19 March 2009

78| in which the rabbit hole opens, and kaitlin falls through.

subtitle: what the f*, part two.

i ought to create a separate label for the parental front. but i'd rather blog about other things, so that's why i don't. that said, the emails and conversations this afternoon were all sorts of no-good-terribly-bad. which makes for two of those days in one week...australia, here i come!

backstory: my father, an investor, refused to tell me for the last five years what my finances were like {six figure, dizzying numbers it appears}. once the market toppled over itself, he was outted. not only was he outted about his mistakes financially, but he and my mother were unable to contribute to our wedding, which they desperately wanted to do. at the same time, he had a proverbial carrot hanging over my nose for the past five years in the form of "do-what-i-say-or-you-will-never-see-your-investments" bullying. to be honest, as awful as losing that money was, i wasn't well acquainted with it, and i quite prefer the freedom that came from being financial independent.

now that you've read the fine print: my father sent me an email today {in response to my email about convocation}, in which he reiterated his "right" to do my taxes for the year. his rationale being that as of 2009, i will be "a poor college student" and therefore my taxes will be easier, and this year's would be too difficult for me to do. so, i called him and told him that i would listen while he explained to me why it was so imperative for him to do them, and that i would then explain to him why i needed to deal with them this year.

without boring you over all the small details, this resulted in a small shoutfest in the rideau centre {for shame}. i got him off the phone, and then proceeded to talk to my mother, which led to a discussion about weddings.

in addition to financial management, my parents and i also have very, very differing positions on weddings. the thing is, my parents are just that stubborn that they have threatened not once, but twice now, to not come to the wedding if they don't get their way. why don't you just stamp your feet and pout like a four-year-old {or at least society's depiction of four-year-olds.}

while on the phone with my mother, my father wrote me a scathing email about how grateful i should be {and, i am} that i am so fortunate to have had the money that i had, and how god-forbid we "punish" them {my parents} by not inviting the 75 people they had in mind. it was a really awful combination of guilt trip + bullying, which both my parents are known for. he went on for paragraphs about gifts from the past, and how it should all somehow equate to him still having financial and/or emotional control over my life.

i really don't get it. but i do know that these issues are bigger than a blog post could ever explain. and thankfully, my parents are nowhere near internet-saavy enough {nor are their friends} to understand how to find my blog, if they ever wanted to.


  1. Oh hon, the downside of weddings is that all the unhappy family issues seem to rise to the surface. Hang in there.