130| welcome, june.

summer is certainly my favourite season {even if i truly love all season}. part of the reason why i love it is because there's so much to do and to see and to take in.

getting married only amplifies this.

tonight's the first night in a very, ridiculously long time that i've been able to sit and blog. or do something that wasn't pre-planned, for that matter.

can i confess something?

i'm delightedly excited to get married to my best friend in just a few months. actually, we should be counting in weeks now. yikes.

i'm also excited for things to calm down a bit. for there to be time for me to reflect. please.

i will make a more concerted effort to blog, and to take time to reflect.

114|

“Success is never final. Failure is never fatal." 

i'm sitting in the library, where i should arguably be reading on rock and roll as a cultural practice. however, it's been a sort of a bitch of a day. but, only because i'm allowing it to be. the train was forty-five minutes late, i happened to try to do all my errands over lunch, forgetting that the rest of the world eats around then to, and it turns out my application for graduate scholarships failed. 

given that the application was a yes or no sort of deal, and that the scholarship was in the neighbourhood of 10K per year, it feels a bit epic on the fail scale. but, failure is an event. not a person. and i should arguably be celebrating the opportunity to create more debt for myself {debt, which will be paid off much sooner than most, because it will nonetheless be on the small side}. as unfortunate as it is.

i now return to my regularly schedule program of reading, wrting and editing in such a fierce way one would think that i were a monkey at a type-writer.

i promise, that this blog will become more wonderful in the coming weeks.

112| quarante pour trente.

{or, forty for thirty, if you're an anglophone.}

a lot of people lately have been challenging themselves. rachel did it by not shopping for a really, really, really long time. twelve whole weeks. that's 84 days of saying "no, thank you. i don't think i need this". tenthousandonly vowed yesterday that she was going to run three miles for thirty days.

but, as we've discussed i'm already working towards being a rational, sane consumer in a way that i wasn't before. and i hate running. not only do i hate running, but my knees hate it, and i don't really want a knee replacement at 30, thank you.

so, i am promising that i will bike {on the incumbent} for forty minutes for thirty days. mostly because i need to get my ass back into shape after easter. but also because i plan on doing this alongside other exercise {ie. weights, stairs, ultimate} and it'll be a good motivator.

i'm one of those people who cannot exercise alone. and if i'm alone, i need music. and so, my music selection has been dwindling lately, aside from a new-to-me neko case cd. so, could you pretty-pretty-please propose a few songs that would make my heart race while i'm on that bike for the next thirty days?

merci beaucoup!

108| temper, short.

perhaps, it's just me. but a four day weekend lends to a lot of time in social butterfly mode. as much as i truly love my family and friends, at this junction i feel a bit like being a hermit. 

which, for the blogging world is great, because i do my bestest blogging when i'm feeling antisocial.

98| rollercoasters, comfort

i love them. andrew hates them with a fiery passion. but despite my love for them, he is much better at dealing with days that are rollercoaster-like {ups and downs} than i am.

i truly like to find pleasure in the small things {i've been known to get excited about shower curtain shopping} . but it's also easier for me to dwell on small things.

today has been that type of a day...it started off with a job interview that had its ups and downs, followed by a meeting that went really well overall, and then good news and bad news from freecycle: i got the apron i inquired about, but not the typewriter {which i thought would be loads of fun for andrew's niece}. then i went out to pick up lunch, but it was raining, but not particularly hard. hard enough that i got wet, but not so hard that i could be pleased with looking ridiculous in all my watery glory.

however--and i'm sure this is a statement about how bad an emotional relationship i have with food--the highlight of my day {other than the apron} has actually been lunch. there is this amazing little german deli near my work that sells german sandwiches {meat, bread, nothing else} on amazing rye and kaiser breads and to-die-for-soups. nothing about this place is complicated, but everything about it whispers comfort. having lived in germany for a year, one of the many things i miss is the comfort food {large, soft pretzels, moist cheese, the bread. oh the bread. it's no wonder i gained 50 pounds that year!}. what made it even better is that it's budget friendly. my sandwich, soup, cheesecake {yes, cheesecake} and drink came to $6. i'm through my sandwich and soup as i type this, and dang, i'm getting full! it's not complicated, but it's some of the best comfort food i know of.

german town deli, please don't ever change.

95| allowance, resolution

i have been forever spoiled {up until last october}. and i have ever frittered away my money, left, right, centre, and behind me in some cases.

i looked in my bank account yesterday and gulped. and then i freaked out. and then i realized that i am far from practical with my money, and that i don't fritter away my money on magazines and drinks as much as i used to {good}, but rather on housewares and clothes and other slightly larger purchases {bad}.

i admire rachel for not shopping for eleven whole weeks. i could not do that. but, i am going to be very strict with my money from now on. and very aware of my purchases.

my debit card, ladies and gentlemen, is not leaving the house unless it is for the express purpose of either taking out money, or making a planned purchase. i will take out a certain amount of money, and subsist on that for a week. and if i go broke before, oh well. too effing bad. i can't keep relying on my overdraft. i could. but i refuse to.

new rules to spend by...

• no specialty coffee, no breakfast pastries, no more $2 yogurt
• with the exception of a dress for the summer {i'm too small for my old ones, and i have three weddings and my convocation to attend}, spending on clothing will be limited to $50 per month, not a penny more {right now i'm spending very close to $200 without thinking much about it}
• i will not buy my lunch more than one a week
• i will not go out for drinks more than once per month {this isn't really a big problem for me right now, but once patio season begins}

this will be different {i hope}. {also, i hope that none of you are particularly bored by my discussion of money. i feel like it's a major elephant in the room for me right now, and i needed to get it out there. exhale. and now, on with the otherwise normal life that i lead. ha.}