128| flailing.

i am flailing. it has been very nearly a week since i blogged. my job is redunant, but my work has ricidulously high security. so, blogging has been left to evenings and weekends. but evenings and weekends are taken up now with friends and family and all sorts of necessary things. none of which are bad, but they are very time consuming.

this weekend, for example, started with a very lovely evening celebrating the anniversary of one of my professors. man, she knows how to party! it was held at a really cool, ecclectic cafe nearby, and there were lots of nibblies and bevvies, and great music. moreover, jen is quite good at hosting. she was really able to introduce people fully and trying and find little connectors between them (for me, this meant finding myself amongst a really cool professor of political science and an archivist). honestly, andrew didn't feel at all awkward amongst the learneds.

it reminded me about the purpose of marriage, and being present in the moment. sounds funny, sure. but truly, it reminded me of all the things to look forward to once the glitter has fallen off and the wedding blogs become a less regular part of my life (eep).

today involved andrew working, me running and running errands. by the time he got home, he was zonked. we went out for pizza and beer, and it was nice. but, he was tired and has called it a night, even though i wanted serious one-on-one time.

oh well.

next weekend, we're at a friends' cottage. the week after that is andrew's mother's birthday, my convocation and visit one of three from my parents. i haven't figured out yet how to deal with all the sh*t my father has thrust upon me. nothing about this is cut and dry and our wedding only two months from now, it's become a whole lot less so. blarg.

all of this is to say, i'm sorry that i've been blogging less. really, right now i want to be blogging more.

115| neglect.

yikes, it has been a very, very, very long time since i have written. it's a bit sad. but my life has bceome consumed by really and truly two things. which i love dearly, but are too much at once...

• the end of my work contract
• my term paper on david bowie/glam rock/ homosexuality

last night was a very late night, followed by an early morning. and i felt as though something was missing. i was looking through mouse's blog {currently occupied by the lovely amanda} and came across some eddie izzard, who might be my favourite comedian of all time. and it broke it. i have had this serious, i have to do everything right, and right away atmosphere hanging over me for the past week, and eddie broke it. thank god!

i had been neglecting laughter, and smiles, and beautiful things. pretty things. yes, eddie izzard is pretty.

i was searching through my bag for my lunch, and found to my shock and dismay, my engagement ring. i thought it had been on my bedside table all this week, but not that i think about it more, it was actually in my bag, from the gym, which i finally had with me again today {something else that i have been neglecting}.

i picked up the ring, held it, examined it, and promised it not to forget about it for a very, very long time {i'm at the point where i don't feel anymore naked with or without it...}

anyway, i'm back. i promise. at least for a little while.

image waleed

113| reminiscence, present

i have but one exam this term, my final exam, of undergraduate school. it's tomorrow {today} at nine a.m. go figure, one exam and it's a saturday morning.

the topic is easy. introduction to canadian studies. and the exam is only worth 35%, a fraction of a half-credit course. and i'm doing quite well in the other 65% of the course. it's not that i don't want to do well in the exam, because i do. but between my sizeable term paper on bowie, and the end of my government contract, i have had more on my plate than was manageable.

so, here i sit at three a.m., some six hours before my exam, contemplating the last four years of studying, and exploring. reminiscing before it's over. a girl i had courses with will leave for her first full-time job in the north tomorrow. and, i of course, am cramming for this exam. except not really.

because if university has taught me one thing, it that knowledge is power, but being quick off the draw in acting on that knowledge is possible more important. 

right now, however, all i can think is "man, when i lived in residence, i could get upten minutes before my exam and stroll into the room in pyjamas". but for the part where i never did that.

|image vermontferret |

101| elizabethtown

flipping through the big silver box tonight, looking for news coverage on korea, and i came across this. i have far too much work to do to actually sit and watch it, but the cinematography has me sold, and that alec baldwin and susan sarandon are in it...well, i'm going to have an evening to myself {and maybe some girlfriends} with this movie and some wine.

94| grateful, yet busy

i have five job interviews between thursday and monday. five! i'm not complaining. i really think this is the greatest thing that could happen to me right now: to have a job lined up before my contract is completed!

but, i also recognize that between now and tuesday, my life is going to be consumed with things that are important, but not necessarily what i want to be doing. that is, if what i want to be doing is blogging, cooking, colouring {things other than maps}, planning my trip to new york over sushi, drinking with my teammates, and doing any sort of exhaling.

what i will be doing is researching, writing, editing, writing, editing, researching, writing, editing. and polishing: my resume, my shoes, my hair.

exhale. and go.

54| i'd rather be.

tuesdays are the weird day in my weeks. i start the day with a class, "a history of sexuality". i can't really put a definite pronoun on it {the, for example} because lord knows, it's not the history of sexuality, but simply a collection of histories that have to do with sexuality. today was about rape. and genocide. and war. and lots and lots of icky things, that make me rather happy that i chose glam rock and homosexual outings as my finaly research topic.

from there, tuesdays are loosey goosey, but usually involve food, friends, research, and maybe the gym. tuesday evenings are one of only two in the weekdays {friday being the other}, where andrew + i are both home.

all of this said, my schedule today is hectic, and mixed up from what i thought it would be last night. i got a call from my fitness club yesterday saying my trainer was no longer with the club {conspiracies abound: i think she was probably fired, which is a bit sad, really}. so, that axed out my tuesday workout with her {as well as my thursday one...until my new trainer can get in touch with me, all formulated workouts are off. i am pissed.}

i got a call this morning, on the way to my class on rape + genocide from andrew saying that our landlord would be home this afternoon, and "what time are you planning on being home, because he needs you to change the date on your march cheque from 2008 to 2009". whoops. i feel bad, i really do. i'd also rather give him cash, really, so i know the money is there. and more than changing the date, i'd rather write him a new cheque. not that i'm anti-saving-paper-trees, because i'm in favour of our forests {note the title of this blog...ahem...and my job in forestry}. that said, i also really don't want to have to wait until he comes home to change the date, because it means that i'm spending another half hour or so at home which i really don't want to {also, if i were to go to the gym, it means that i would be getting there around the same time as everyone else thus making the change rooms a tight fit}.

all said, i'd rather be. i'd rather be baking healthy cookies or muffins {because lord knows that the linzer cookies, while delicious, are deadly}. i'd rather be napping. or colouring {but not maps}. i'd rather be dancing. i'd rather be laughing. i'd rather be looking at fabric for flowergirl dresses. there are many things i'd rather be, but rather unfortunately, i have to be an adult for the time being*

*i do have every intention of informing our lovely landlord that i will leave a cheque for him in his mailbox. then, i will proceed to the gym in an orderly fashion and ask to talk to my trainer. i will be rather assertive about all of this, i think. and it will be good for me. but that's not to say i wouldn't rather be colouring or napping, because i would.

|image heartoflight |