130| welcome, june.

summer is certainly my favourite season {even if i truly love all season}. part of the reason why i love it is because there's so much to do and to see and to take in.

getting married only amplifies this.

tonight's the first night in a very, ridiculously long time that i've been able to sit and blog. or do something that wasn't pre-planned, for that matter.

can i confess something?

i'm delightedly excited to get married to my best friend in just a few months. actually, we should be counting in weeks now. yikes.

i'm also excited for things to calm down a bit. for there to be time for me to reflect. please.

i will make a more concerted effort to blog, and to take time to reflect.

128| flailing.

i am flailing. it has been very nearly a week since i blogged. my job is redunant, but my work has ricidulously high security. so, blogging has been left to evenings and weekends. but evenings and weekends are taken up now with friends and family and all sorts of necessary things. none of which are bad, but they are very time consuming.

this weekend, for example, started with a very lovely evening celebrating the anniversary of one of my professors. man, she knows how to party! it was held at a really cool, ecclectic cafe nearby, and there were lots of nibblies and bevvies, and great music. moreover, jen is quite good at hosting. she was really able to introduce people fully and trying and find little connectors between them (for me, this meant finding myself amongst a really cool professor of political science and an archivist). honestly, andrew didn't feel at all awkward amongst the learneds.

it reminded me about the purpose of marriage, and being present in the moment. sounds funny, sure. but truly, it reminded me of all the things to look forward to once the glitter has fallen off and the wedding blogs become a less regular part of my life (eep).

today involved andrew working, me running and running errands. by the time he got home, he was zonked. we went out for pizza and beer, and it was nice. but, he was tired and has called it a night, even though i wanted serious one-on-one time.

oh well.

next weekend, we're at a friends' cottage. the week after that is andrew's mother's birthday, my convocation and visit one of three from my parents. i haven't figured out yet how to deal with all the sh*t my father has thrust upon me. nothing about this is cut and dry and our wedding only two months from now, it's become a whole lot less so. blarg.

all of this is to say, i'm sorry that i've been blogging less. really, right now i want to be blogging more.

127| peeking, piquing

this weekend was long. and fun. and i want to do it all over again, very soon.

friday afternoon began with a thud and thump, and my father continuing to refuse to give me necessary documents for my taxes. i was not pleased. i don't recall much about friday evening, other than a long, long sleep that bled into saturday morning.

saturday morning we garage saled. or garage bought? i had three marvelous finds. that lovely bowl that i blogged about last week...the green one. i found for only $10. and a remarkable candlelabra. and a stuffed pig. the pig was probably the most meaningful. i had one, named knuckles when i went to europe last year and lost it in italy. so we found a new one and we're calling him Knuckle Junior, or KnuJu for short.

saturday afternoon was a lot of walking and exploring the market, buying new plants and coming home to garden them. we then made pizzas and yum, yum, yum. it was delightful! oh, in between garage sale-ing and gardening there was marvelous brunch. oh so tasty.

sunday was filled with grocery shopping, more gardening, more markets, baking, playing frisbee, eating BBQ and playing cards. i haven't had this much sun in a long time. i feel wonderful. like i said, i didn't really want for this weekend to end.

oh well, some of the goodies will last. including but not limited to these.

117| decompressing by doing.

{or: how to have a really, really productive saturday}

today was my last saturday as an undergraduate student. this sounds really weird, and it is a really weird thing to mark, but i've sort of had a schedule for saturdays over the past four years that has involved brunch, grocery shopping, school work and an out of the house activity in the evening.

in light of the really long paper i've been writing, my sleep schedule was thrown off and i went ot bed at six thirty this morning, after falling asleep on the couch around four {thank you to those of you who sent me lovely messages of support and demands for me to go to bed between four and six-thirty}.

my day commenced with andrew's doing the crossword and my trying to remain perfectly silent while he did so. i am not so good at this. but it was a good test for me, and i started thinking of all the things i wanted to do today, given that the weather could not have been nicer if it had tried.

we brunched at jak's, one of my most favourite brunching places, and the patio was open, which was marvelous! we went shopping for him and found the most adorable top for our friend's daughter who is presently obsessed with wonderwoman. we went to bridgehead: i worked for two or three hours plugging in footnotes {over a hundred}, while he went and played catch with a friend {tee hee}. we then came home and i gardened, and gardened and gardened. we are going to have so many beets this year. gardening was followed by picnicking {hamburgers} on the grass in our yard, and then more schoolwork, and then baking.

this might have been one of the busiest days i've had in a long time. but, it's also been one of the most enjoyable!

happy saturday!

115| neglect.

yikes, it has been a very, very, very long time since i have written. it's a bit sad. but my life has bceome consumed by really and truly two things. which i love dearly, but are too much at once...

• the end of my work contract
• my term paper on david bowie/glam rock/ homosexuality

last night was a very late night, followed by an early morning. and i felt as though something was missing. i was looking through mouse's blog {currently occupied by the lovely amanda} and came across some eddie izzard, who might be my favourite comedian of all time. and it broke it. i have had this serious, i have to do everything right, and right away atmosphere hanging over me for the past week, and eddie broke it. thank god!

i had been neglecting laughter, and smiles, and beautiful things. pretty things. yes, eddie izzard is pretty.

i was searching through my bag for my lunch, and found to my shock and dismay, my engagement ring. i thought it had been on my bedside table all this week, but not that i think about it more, it was actually in my bag, from the gym, which i finally had with me again today {something else that i have been neglecting}.

i picked up the ring, held it, examined it, and promised it not to forget about it for a very, very long time {i'm at the point where i don't feel anymore naked with or without it...}

anyway, i'm back. i promise. at least for a little while.

image waleed

114|

“Success is never final. Failure is never fatal." 

i'm sitting in the library, where i should arguably be reading on rock and roll as a cultural practice. however, it's been a sort of a bitch of a day. but, only because i'm allowing it to be. the train was forty-five minutes late, i happened to try to do all my errands over lunch, forgetting that the rest of the world eats around then to, and it turns out my application for graduate scholarships failed. 

given that the application was a yes or no sort of deal, and that the scholarship was in the neighbourhood of 10K per year, it feels a bit epic on the fail scale. but, failure is an event. not a person. and i should arguably be celebrating the opportunity to create more debt for myself {debt, which will be paid off much sooner than most, because it will nonetheless be on the small side}. as unfortunate as it is.

i now return to my regularly schedule program of reading, wrting and editing in such a fierce way one would think that i were a monkey at a type-writer.

i promise, that this blog will become more wonderful in the coming weeks.

111| twirling around the courtyard.

i love the little things in life. i had the most marvelous lunch in ages. i strolled around the market. i went to the paper store, and bought paper for a surprise for andrew's birthday {and an envelope for a job application}. i bought two figs that were juicy and delightful, and a pear that was crunchy and crisp. i bought fizzy water and pumpkin soup that was savoury and satisifed me as much as soup can {which for me, is a lot}.

i wanted desperately to twirl around the courtyard, but my hands were a bit full. so, instead i smile at the sun, and thanked it and walked on. only to find in the next courtyard over a little girl twirling with her doll.

image yoshiko

108| temper, short.

perhaps, it's just me. but a four day weekend lends to a lot of time in social butterfly mode. as much as i truly love my family and friends, at this junction i feel a bit like being a hermit. 

which, for the blogging world is great, because i do my bestest blogging when i'm feeling antisocial.

98| rollercoasters, comfort

i love them. andrew hates them with a fiery passion. but despite my love for them, he is much better at dealing with days that are rollercoaster-like {ups and downs} than i am.

i truly like to find pleasure in the small things {i've been known to get excited about shower curtain shopping} . but it's also easier for me to dwell on small things.

today has been that type of a day...it started off with a job interview that had its ups and downs, followed by a meeting that went really well overall, and then good news and bad news from freecycle: i got the apron i inquired about, but not the typewriter {which i thought would be loads of fun for andrew's niece}. then i went out to pick up lunch, but it was raining, but not particularly hard. hard enough that i got wet, but not so hard that i could be pleased with looking ridiculous in all my watery glory.

however--and i'm sure this is a statement about how bad an emotional relationship i have with food--the highlight of my day {other than the apron} has actually been lunch. there is this amazing little german deli near my work that sells german sandwiches {meat, bread, nothing else} on amazing rye and kaiser breads and to-die-for-soups. nothing about this place is complicated, but everything about it whispers comfort. having lived in germany for a year, one of the many things i miss is the comfort food {large, soft pretzels, moist cheese, the bread. oh the bread. it's no wonder i gained 50 pounds that year!}. what made it even better is that it's budget friendly. my sandwich, soup, cheesecake {yes, cheesecake} and drink came to $6. i'm through my sandwich and soup as i type this, and dang, i'm getting full! it's not complicated, but it's some of the best comfort food i know of.

german town deli, please don't ever change.

97| om nom nom.

every thursday, andrew plays ultimate {i play wednesdays}. every thursday, i get to chill out and eat whatever i want for dinner, and do whatever i want in the evening. 

there is a long list of foods that andrew won't eat {fish, olives, melon} for various reasons, so thursdays are a great day for me to make/eat foods that i don't otherwise get. tonight, that meant a little bit of olive and a bit of melon into a tasty stirfry.

stirfry of random no-recipe goodness
per person

• 1 head of broccoli, sliced {include the stalk}
• 1 spicy sausage
• 1 sixth of a honeydew melon, cubed
• 6 spicy olives of choice
• 2 tsp olive oil {a smallish drizzle}
• 1/4 cup basmati rice
• 1/2 cup water
• a pinch of cumin
• a drizzle each of soya sauce and rice vinegar {about a tablespoon each}

cook the sausage in the olive oil until juicy and cooked through {3 minutes). add the broccoli and about 1/8 cup of water and continue frying. boil the water for your rice at this point. once the water has come to a boil, add the rice, stir and cover. set the timer for about 12 minutes. meanwhile, add the honeydew melon and sliced olives, as well as the soya sauce, rice vinegar and cumin. once the rice is soft and creamy, add it to the sausage/broccoli mixture and stir to coat.

served with sapporo beer.

om nom nom.

95| allowance, resolution

i have been forever spoiled {up until last october}. and i have ever frittered away my money, left, right, centre, and behind me in some cases.

i looked in my bank account yesterday and gulped. and then i freaked out. and then i realized that i am far from practical with my money, and that i don't fritter away my money on magazines and drinks as much as i used to {good}, but rather on housewares and clothes and other slightly larger purchases {bad}.

i admire rachel for not shopping for eleven whole weeks. i could not do that. but, i am going to be very strict with my money from now on. and very aware of my purchases.

my debit card, ladies and gentlemen, is not leaving the house unless it is for the express purpose of either taking out money, or making a planned purchase. i will take out a certain amount of money, and subsist on that for a week. and if i go broke before, oh well. too effing bad. i can't keep relying on my overdraft. i could. but i refuse to.

new rules to spend by...

• no specialty coffee, no breakfast pastries, no more $2 yogurt
• with the exception of a dress for the summer {i'm too small for my old ones, and i have three weddings and my convocation to attend}, spending on clothing will be limited to $50 per month, not a penny more {right now i'm spending very close to $200 without thinking much about it}
• i will not buy my lunch more than one a week
• i will not go out for drinks more than once per month {this isn't really a big problem for me right now, but once patio season begins}

this will be different {i hope}. {also, i hope that none of you are particularly bored by my discussion of money. i feel like it's a major elephant in the room for me right now, and i needed to get it out there. exhale. and now, on with the otherwise normal life that i lead. ha.}

94| grateful, yet busy

i have five job interviews between thursday and monday. five! i'm not complaining. i really think this is the greatest thing that could happen to me right now: to have a job lined up before my contract is completed!

but, i also recognize that between now and tuesday, my life is going to be consumed with things that are important, but not necessarily what i want to be doing. that is, if what i want to be doing is blogging, cooking, colouring {things other than maps}, planning my trip to new york over sushi, drinking with my teammates, and doing any sort of exhaling.

what i will be doing is researching, writing, editing, writing, editing, researching, writing, editing. and polishing: my resume, my shoes, my hair.

exhale. and go.

93| china, the dinnerware not the country

is it friday yet? let me start off by saying that i have been so inspired by so many pretty things to covet this morning. who the heck introduced me to shoestring? ah, yes. rachel, thank you...*sigh* so many pretty things, where to begin?

right, with last night's great china debate. andrew + i thought we had decided on our china {see above}, but over the past week or so i convinced myself i wasn't sold. i visited the company's website, and discovered that they fall into the "nice, but i question the quality of your product" cateogry of things, and really i don't want china that only lasts five years.

we went back to the place we registered and took a second look. i winced. andrew accepted defeat, and i tried to convince him of a lovely set that had birds on it. if only i were snow white.

it felt a little like wedding dress shopping. everything had to be "just perfect", except that i will be using this china for the next twenty-five or more years. which means that i should be able to:

• dishwash it.
  
• feed a crowd for a variety of different events on it.
  
• not fret too much about my child{ren) carrying it
  
• scrape it with a knife without mortal fears.
  
• dishwash it again.
  
• be able to pull it our for the day that real simple visits our house to do a photoshoot {ha} without panicking that it was completely in style when we received it, but lord does it look kitschy now.
  
• place it in multiple houses without it looking "off".
  
• dishwash it yet again.

i spent the morning on macy's website. why canada does not have a macy's is beyond me. i will in fact be making every effort to stop there when i go to new york. anyway, i have it narrowed down to four, which are below...

top left: martha stewart by wedgwood
top right: red blossom by mikasa
bottom left: gardner street by kate spade
bottom right: june lane by kate spade

so, faithful readers, which do you like the most? why? and do you know of anywhere in ontario that stocks kate spade?

88| taking a breath.

i've been on the go for five days straight: schoolwork, work-work, internship-work, training, blogging and reading {and yes, i will have more of that to do this weekend}.

for now, i need to take a big breath and relax. my body aches inside and out, and to be honest in the last sixteen hours i could have done a better job nursing it {though it got more sleep than i had anticiapted}.

with that in mind, blogging will be slow today, like the rest of me. but i promise i will have lots of adventures to post tomorrow and sunday!

87| girl, why i am.

this morning i faced an outerwear dilemma. like many girls, i covet pretty things. and often times, i choose the pretty over the practical. well, the weather was warm enough for a spring coat, but presently my only spring coat on hand is a yellow gap coat, which--while very lovely--would have been too much bright with my already bright skirt.

i do have another coat, you see. but it is missing about four buttons: three because it was poorly manufactured and i was too lazy to secure the buttons after i bought the coat, and one because i pushed my hands too deep in my pockets and popped a button {which is a tragic event when one is trying to lose weight}.

so, in the end, i opted for the black, oversized blazer that i own for the purpose of interviews only. i felt awkward because it was far too formal for the rest of my outfit, but i sucked it up anyways. also, it's not quite warm enough. whereas, my lovely taupe number without the buttons would have been.

i ran into a girl that i volunteered with this morning and she looked so professional, and so downright put together, especially give that she was working in an internship. it made me feel so very, blah. style envy ensued.

what do i plan about doing about this fair readers? i could buy a new jacket, but that would be well over $150. so, i won't.

i'm thinking i'm going to replace the buttons. perhaps not this weekend, but maybe next week sometime. given that it's a cargo style jacket, that's a lot of buttons. but it will be worth it. i'm also wondering if anyone can make any other suggestions for embellishments. the coat is about thigh length, and has little ruffles around the cuffs. then, i plan on buying an outrageously fabulous nicely patterned, albeit neutral scarf that i can wear with every single jacket in my closet {except maybe my ski jacket}.

{and this, my dears, is what i had writer's block over. yeesh}

86| writer's block.

i had all of these marvelous ideas this morning. then i was productive at work. now they are gone. i really wish i could write for a living, as opposed to research.

85| here comes the sun

it's beautiful right now. and i'm stuck inside the office for another 15 minutes. at which point, i'm giving myself permission to leave early.

do you blame me? it's bright and sunny out, and a marvelously warm day. and i'm wearing my new. spring. clothes.

this calls for a celebration: a quick afternoon of coffee, shopping in the market, and finding trinkets for friends {and family}. i can hardly wait!


image sarahseven

83| restfullness

in the 72 hours of weekend, i slept for 36. which means that i am well rested. and i have no review for you of che other than the music was loud when it needed to be, and the end was pretty good. also, matt damon has a cameo. but i missed it.

80| lunch hour

my boss went out for lunch with a bunch of other people from the branch for celebration.
i got my ass kicked by my personal trainer.

{there was something downright wonderful coming back from my workout and running into them in the elevator. call it self-righteous, but i think i worked for this pride. and mighty hard might i add.}

79| gratitude

because i open up to the world when i'm frustrated/happy/sad/angry/joyful/worried/ashamed {hence this blog/facebook/flickr/twitter} the world found out very quickly my anger and frustration today.

i'm always very surprised and grateful when the world talks back to me. and today was no exception. so, thank you for reminding me that even when it seems like the world is full of jerks, there are nice people abound. and because you helped me realize that even if it's not alright right now, it will be in the long term.